yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
