tonight lets celebrate not being married
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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