So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize