I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
birth control should be required to get into college
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
