Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize