The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
