I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
