Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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