shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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