who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize