I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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