do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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