I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
