that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
