So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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