I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
