just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
