never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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