So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
