we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
