we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
operation have a gay friend backfired
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Less talking, more tequila
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
