Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
