I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
