did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
They are going to name an STD after you.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
