I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
