I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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