i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
