can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
