I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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