bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Buhtt sex?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
