Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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