Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
