Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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