marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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