sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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