I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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