why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
