I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
