Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
