Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
