FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
