I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
