He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
