She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
worst night to have a conscience
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
