Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
