I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
