I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
