i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
