The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize