is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
