I think i peed on brittanys purse
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He has the fingertips of a God
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
