Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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