Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
fuck your aforementioned shoe
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
