i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
