Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
