We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
