when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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