btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I woke up under a house in Key West
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