There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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