I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
