you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
