I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
