nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
