someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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