A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
