I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I want to have your abortion
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
