having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
