I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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