Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
