I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
