yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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