I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize