ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i now understand why vodka
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
