can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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