i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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