this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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