my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize