So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
