Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
