Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
