I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize