My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
