just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
