last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
