We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
