he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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