Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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