I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
