But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
