I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
