He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
