if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
