New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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