I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
